The irony is not lost on me that I’m writing this on November 27th – the date that exactly 1 year ago I stopped writing my weekly updates for 8 weeks; the date I stopped doing things for myself because I was so consumed by the abuse already; the date that remains marked on my first and last update for a long time as I found ways to pick back up the pieces that made me whole again.

I started writing this post to be based around the theme of being divided by opposing choices and how to pick “the right one.”  The reality that there is no “right one,” but rather one that feels most right.  No matter what choice you make, there will always be its own versions of triumphs and tribulations; how all that matters is that you listen to what feels most right for you in this present moment, and which decision is going to bring you a greater sense of peace and comfort.   

But while writing this, I wanted to look back on my second most read and shared post ever: Week 42-49: Nov 27th, 2023 – January 22, 2024 // The Struggles of a Solo Traveller [Seeking Community]. For inspiration and reflection.

 It was then that I noticed the date.  With everything that happened during those 8 weeks, and me just recently exposing the truth during that timeframe in my most recent post Silent Suffering: Surviving an Abusive Relationship with a Narcissist

The irony is also not lost on me at the fact that the week 42-49 post was when I shared the news that I decided to move back to Canada temporarily; and am now using this post to share that I’ve decided to come back home, again.

I read back on that post and realized a few things…

1. I found everything I was hoping for during my time back home earlier this year… I found myself again and found the power in community.

2. There is so much I’m trying to share between the lines… so much I didn’t yet know myself, and so much I was too scared to share.

3. I’ve come so far and wouldn’t have if I hadn’t swallowed my pride and allowed myself to ask for help.

I feel like my time back home this year allowed me to get myself back.  I’ve truly never been happier than my 7 months back home, and in a weird way it feels hard to admit.  As someone who loves to travel and have the flexibility to move more freely, it feels very contradictive to want to be back home.  I’ve felt so conflicted about where home is for me – but I’ve never felt more certain that this feeling resides in the time spent with my friends and family, climbing the mountains or sitting in the forests of the Pacific North West.  Pieces of me will always love and long for other parts of the world – but I’ve never felt more certain in knowing where home is now.

I’ve spent these past couple months feeling like I walked away from something good – maybe even perfect at the time – and struggling to feel settled back over here.

I thought maybe it was because I had so much unease surrounding being geographically closer to my abusive ex once again, or just going through the natural transitional period that often comes with a bit of discomfort and uncertainty.  I thought maybe once I got settled in the Blue Mountains with Leah, or connected with old friends from around the country, I’d feel a sense of ease, security, and comfort in being back here in Australia.  I also felt I owed it to myself to make up for the shitty final 4 months I had in this country the last time I was here; to take back the pieces he took from me and left here to burn.  I felt like I had to come back and close this chapter on my own terms.

I just didn’t realize the chapter would be closing so soon. 

I feel so grateful for the outpour of love and support I have from my own Australian community – the friends I’ve made here who I feel I can consider family.  It’s just unfortunate everyone is so spread apart.  But it’s thanks to these people that I feel I’ll always have a place to come back to when I choose to in the future.  

When I first came to Australia in early 2023, and got my first ever van in little ol’ Tassie after not even being in the country for more than 24 hours; when I was welcomed into the home of some incredible friends who gave me so much love and support and helped welcome me into worlds that play such a significant role in my life now (*cough* outdoor climbing *cough* thanks Sam); when I was invited on a last minute climbing trip with people I’d never met; when I got hired as a tour guide in the absolute MIDDLE OF NOWHERE Australia with people who quickly became my whole world for that time and showed me a glimpse of what I’d be soon making my priority + the key to my healing; when I got the opportunity to volunteer with an organization I’ve admired for years and step up in some really important ways for my personal growth…Never in a million years did I realize I’d be stepping into a chapter of my life that was filled with so many huge milestones I’d been dreaming of for years. Never mind getting to experience them all in just 8 months!

Thinking back to how I felt during those first 8 months of my time in Australia - the time before I was thrown into the abuse and had every little sense of self shattered - I’d never felt so alive, so empowered, so brave, so strong, so capable, so inspired.  I truly felt I’d found a large piece of myself in Australia – which is why it feels so emotional writing this.  Getting to come back here on my own terms feels like I’m getting to claim back that large piece of myself.   A piece I now get to bring back to Canada whole.

At this time, I don’t really have much more to say (well, I do… but I’ll save it for future posts lol); aside from the fact that I can’t wait to be back in BC soon, but am going to do my best to make the most of my time and stay as present as I can during my final months here in Australia.

I made the decision to come down to a small beach town where I’ll be working at a café/restaurant/shop/bar, living right on the beach, with the goal to make as much money as I can, focus on building out Golden Hour, and enjoy my final days with my first home on wheels – Peg.

It’s a bittersweet decision, but one that feels right.

I’ll see you February 3rd Canada! Until then…

Stay passionate and curious,

Hunter 💛

Some questions I’d like to leave you with (feel free to share your thoughts in the comments!):

1. What does “home” mean to you? Is it a place, a feeling, or the people around you?

2. Do you have any tips for balancing the desire to travel with the need for stability and community?

3. Do you have a story about finding community in unexpected places? Share it in the comments!