Journal entry from August 25th, 2023

“Since being back online, my mind has been going a million miles a minute, running through all the things I want to do, should do, project ideas, trip plans, posts, etc.

Larapinta, while difficult, was so simple. You wake up, eat, get dressed, pack, walk as far as you needed to, snack lots along the way, set up your mattress, change into comfy clothes, make dinner, discuss next day’s camp route, filter water, read, bed, repeat.

There was nothing else you had to think or worry about.  It was a true state of bliss, and simply existing.  I love creating and writing so much, and I’m so stoked to see where this is going to lead me – especially with Sea Shepherd (!!!), and knowing I’m working on things that are going to matter – that DO matter.

But living in that little state of pure simplicity is a beauty and luxury I know I want and need more of.  I think moving forward, my actions need to reflect finding that balance of pursuing this dream/meaningful project of mine, and having that state of dis re-connected bliss.

I don’t want to use the word “disconnected.”  While I was disconnected from my “normal day-to-day,” I was actually allowing myself to re-connect with other parts of myself.

Dis-connecting almost feels like we view the other parts as “negative.”  Which maybe they are in some ways?  But I think that’s based on how we view/experience those parts of our lives.  If we feel we need to “dis-connect,” maybe that just means there’s a part of us we’ve been neglecting.  A part that needs nurturing, watering, and attention.

When you have those moments where you feel a need to “dis-connect”, ask yourself – what am I really needing?  Is it time with loved ones? Time with yourself? Time to be creative/playful? Time to nap? Time outside? Time exploring? Time to reflect/confront some things?”

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I came across this entry recently when flipping through my journal, and I found myself reflecting on this cycle, and realizing I’m going through this exact same cycle once again – this time a little more full-force, and slipping into unhealthy habits. 

This isn’t the first time I’m finding myself in this cycle, nor do I think it’ll be the last – and that’s okay.  What’s different about this time, is I’m learning how to recognize the patterns and use the tools I’ve developed to bend/break it..

Life has a way of throwing unexpected curve balls, challenges, people, opportunities, experiences, inspirations, and traumas (the good, the bad, and everything in between). Tapping into these tools is not always easy, nor is it smooth and automatic, but they’re there.  It’s the process of learning to trust your abilities to lean on these tools – the healthy habits and coping skills -  you’ve developed for yourself that will ultimately determine how you move forward.

With that comes spending time more intentionally, so that you can re-connect with the parts of you that need nurturing, play, and love.  Time spent learning to be more open and vulnerable and brutally honest with yourself.

So next time you find yourself in one of these cycles, ask yourself:  Where do I need re-connecting?