Week 5: March 13th – 19th, 2023 // I Want vs I Should

A common theme of discussions this week was “doing things because you want to and not because you should.”

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My first day of this week is probably in my top 5 favourite days of this trip so far.  I woke up to a beautiful morning on Friendlies Beach, the white sand dusted by a pink hue of the rising sun, eating breakfast and practicing yoga as I listened to the rolling waves of the ocean.  I finished the book “The Happiest Man on Earth” by Eddie Jaku, which is equally sad and inspiring. I did a solo hike up Mount Amos and filled up my water supply.  It was my decision to go back to Friendlies beach for the night which I think just wrapped up this day SO beautifully!  My plans were to make a 3-hour drive to Port Arthurs, but I just wasn’t sure where I’d be sleeping that night, didn’t want to risk being stuck on the side of the road somewhere, Friendlies beach was only 20min out of the way – and honestly, I just didn’t want to nor did I feel like driving a long way that night.  So I didn’t.  

I ended up back at the same spot I nabbed the night before, and turns out a NSW local bike-packing around Australia was setting up a tent, and a couple from the UK had been promised the site by the park manager earlier that day too.  So naturally, we all ended up sharing the spot and had such a wonderful night chatting, watching the stars, sharing stories and tea together.  We then spent the morning watching the sun rise together, and the boys went for a morning swim.  We were all 23/24 years old and immediately felt so comfortable with one another.  Making plans to meet up once our paths crossed again on the mainland.

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Tuesday I initially planned to get to Fortescue Bay early so I could hike to Cape Hauy that afternoon, but along my drive I felt no need to rush anything, or get anywhere by any specific time.  So I made many beach stops, wrote last weeks blog post, grabbed snacks and gas, and reminded myself that this trip is for me and no one else.  The best part about solo travelling is that you don’t have to coordinate with others or make compromises on when and where you want to be.  Your plans are allowed to flow as the day moves and change as you feel is needed.  I didn’t have the energy to hike that day. So I didn’t.

I spent the evening making dinner, watching the possums and wallabies’, reading for hours, eating on the beach, and hanging out in my tent.  Which was also a bit of a reflection moment – the camp no longer had car camping spots available and technically wouldn’t allow me to sleep in the van in the parking lot, so I took this as an opportunity to remind myself that it’s important to have moments of discomfort.  

With all the hiking + staying in the van, I’ve honestly become somewhat worried that I’ll become attached to the comfort and not got out and experience some backpacking during my travels.  Backpacking had become such a favourite way for me to explore back home – being so fortunate enough to live in such a beautiful province with endless mountain-scapes to explore – that I wanted to explore Australia in the same way.  Sleeping in the tent was a nice little reminder to how much I love it, even though it’s nowhere near as comfortable as my van mattress…

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The next morning, I had amazing weather and I made sure to get up nice and early to hike Cape Hauy and avoid most of the crowds.  I was incredibly successful – there was no one on the trail on the way up AND I got to read at the peak for at least an hour uninterrupted.  If there’s any one way to read a book (second to laying on a beach), it’s on a mountain peak with panoramic views and the warm sun shining down on you… Made a friend with a solo traveller from Maine and we spent the afternoon hiking out together, going for a swim, laying on the beach, and sharing our thoughts and lessons on doing things/being on your own, and coming back to the idea that there is nothing you “should” be doing, but rather learning how to focus on what you “want” to be doing.

I set up camp next to the water on a quiet street, where I finished another book, and ate toast + chocolate for dinner.  I didn’t feel like cooking. So I didn’t.

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Thursday morning, I was feeling quite slow – it was a cloudy turned rainy day, I felt tired from so much socializing and hiking + climbing the past week, and honestly, my brain+body just wanted a day to reset.  I drove out to Cape Raoul with the intentions of completing the 15km hike, but every time I got out of the car to begin the trail, I’d realized I’d forgotten the parks pass, or couldn’t remember if I locked the car, or had to use the bathroom, or had to unload all the rain gear.  I think I walked back 4 times after getting 5minutes away, and by the 4th time, the sky opened up and the rain POURED down.  I crawled into the van feeling a bit defeated, and decided to accept that hiking the trail just wasn’t something I wanted to do that day anymore. So I didn’t.

Instead, I played guitar in the parking lot for an hour, laid and stared at nothing while contemplating these thoughts, and then made the drive back to Hobart, where I napped outside of Fitzy Castle (Alissa, Annie + Sam’s House name) for a few hours, before joining the house for a delicious lasagna dinner shared with another house of friends visiting for the evening.  It wasn’t how I expected the day to go, but it turned out to be exactly what I needed it to be.

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Friday the slow feeling continued – I made many attempts to work on things I felt I should be doing, like editing photos, fixing last week’s blog post, answering messages, starting this week’s post, measuring the van, buying materials, etc.  But I just couldn’t.  So, again, I didn’t. I sat with the slow feelings, and moved at a pace my mind and body needed and could manage.  I had plans to go for a climb and a yoga class that evening that I really wanted to go to, and I knew that if I really wanted to go, I was going to need to listen to what I needed first.  I ended up having a lovely time with Annie and Alissa’s other fellow Canadian friend, Leah – worked through some challenging routes, didn’t feel as strong or in-tuned with myself this session, but that was okay.  I wanted to be there, and I got there, and to me that was all that mattered.  I showed up for myself, and did what I was able to do.

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Saturday and Sunday were incredibly fun and productive days!  I tackled a huge part of my to-do list on the Saturday, getting all the building materials I needed for my van renos happening the next day, took myself out for lunch to Veg Bar (which has easily become my new favourite [Vegan] restaurant of all time), had a couple calls with some friends I hadn’t spoken with in a long while, cut Sam’s hair, and made dinner w/Sam+Annie.  Sunday I initially only had plans to start van renos in the afternoon, but ended up going for a 2 hour climb with Sam L+Sam M+Annie and wandering the Mayfair Market, having lunch in the park and enjoying the wonderful food and sun!  

The afternoon was also so successful. I brought SUPER basic plans to Rhys (stranger now friend who is helping me with my van reno’s) for the van, just to make organization a bit easier and to avoid taking too much of his time.  But he was such a gem and got super stoked about tackling an even bigger (still manageable) and more exciting reno.  Got to learn how to use a table saw, drew up plans and measurements, and to say I’m stoked with the upcoming “rebuild” is an understatement.  It’s going to make this van function so much more smoothly and I can’t wait to show the end results in a couple weeks!

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With all the things that I didn’t end up doing, I internally battled with myself for sometimes HOURS over what I “should” be doing. I “should” be trying to cover as much ground as I can with the limited time I have in this place; I “should” be getting out and accomplishing something physical like a hike; I “should” be making a proper dinner; I “should” be getting out of the van to explore because I made the trip there; so many “I shoulds” when really I should’ve just been focusing on the “wants,” because it’s the wants that you accomplish or act on that actually end up being the more memorable experiences.  And in reality, who are the “shoulds” even for?  When you put yourself into such a foreign or new experience, like travelling a new country on your own, you’re naturally going to be in a lot of uncomfortable positions, and the idea is to make is as enjoyable and memorable as you possibly can.  If you get too caught up in the “shoulds,” you can easily forget the reasons why you started these journeys in the first place.

Now it’s different if you’re for example working towards running a marathon.  If you really WANT to accomplish this goal, then you absolutely SHOULD be getting out for regular runs in order to set you up for success.  But you need that “want,” that drive, that reason why you started in the first place to help move you through these shoulds that are actually necessary.

In summary, live your life for you.  Live your life doing the things you WANT to do, because they make you feel good, empowered, whole, inspired, and excited about life.   Because really, who do the “shoulds” without the connected desire, benefit in the end?

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I also want to acknowledge how important it is to honour how you’re feeling in these moments of identifying what you want vs what you should.  Knowing that you don’t always have to be showing up 100% to everything.  You’re allowed to show up at 55% capacity and take your time through things that may normally be easy for you.  The important part is that you listened to what you needed, and you showed up in whatever capacity you could.

Stay passionate and curious,
Hunter 💛